His Brother's Shadow
by SongoftheDarquePhoenix
Summary: His whole life, Sasuke's been defined by his relationship with his brother. But he never stopped loving him.


_AU: What, a fanfic? Song isn't dead? Haha no. Just trying to navigate adulting. Anyway, this particular short has been in the works for YEARS. I'm sure I've flubbed the timelines a bit, but so does the manga. *shrugs*_

_If you are a die hard Sasuke fan, _this probably isn't the fic for you_. However if you want a critical look at Sasuke's character, motivations, and failings, this probably IS what you're looking for. Slight AU. _

_Experimental formatting._

_**Please review!**_

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Sasuke is three (almost four!) years old and adores his older brother. Itachi has just graduated the academy.  
Itachi's going to be the bestest ninja ever and keep the village safe from war and enemy nin and -!  
Sasuke is three, almost four years old and he loves his brother.

Sasuke is six years old, and he's hopeful. It's his first day at the academy, and he knows he can make his family proud. He already knows how to throw a kunai and shurikin, and he's sure,_ absolutely sure_ he'll be the top of the class.  
But his father is busy, and his mother is with his father.  
Itachi is the one who sees him off on his first day at the academy.  
Sasuke is six years old, and he's disappointed.

Sasuke is seven years old, and he's confused. Itachi's been promoted to Anbu, and if the whispers are to be believed, war looms on the horizon. He's not stupid. He knows what war means. He doesn't want to go to war. If Konoha goes to war, Itachi will go to the front lines, and if Itachi goes to the front lines, he'll be alone.  
Sasuke is seven years old, and he's scared.

Sasuke is ten years old, and he's terrified. His his family, his friends, his clan- are dead. Blood stains the entire compound, draining into the gutters and painting the streets red.  
He knew Itachi was good, but not _this good._ No one is_ that good. _Even the famed Uchiha Madara wasn't_ that good._ Hundreds of Uchiha lay dead where they fell, bellies cut open and throats slit. (If he'd been older, more experienced, he might have understood the significance of the placement. He wonders years later, if Itachi found the innocence or guilt in their entrails that he'd been looking looking for. If the Uchiha's forgotten honor had been regained in death.) Lifeless dark eyes staring back at him, bodies cold to the touch.  
Itachi descends on him like some horrible spirit seeking retribution. (In hindsight, Sasuke understood that's _exactly_ what Itachi was.)  
The sky turns as red as the blood on the ground, and he sees it, all of it, and Itachi tells him to hate, and learn.  
Sasuke is ten years old, and he's livid.

Sasuke is twelve years old, and he despises his brother.  
He's sworn vengeance on the man that killed his family and destroyed his childhood, even if it's the last thing he'll ever do.  
A tiny part of him that he wants to smother but can't still yearns for his brother's guidance and approval.  
Sauske is twelve years old, and he's lost.

Sasuke is fifteen years old. He's abandoned Konoha in search of power. Orochimaru laughs pointing out that by eleven Itachi was already ANBU level. While powerful, Sasuke is only high-jonin.  
Sasuke is fifteen years old, and he's still living in his brother's shadow.

Sasuke is sixteen years old.  
Itachi is dead.  
Sasuke is sixteen years old, and Itachi let him win.

Sasuke is eighteen years old, and he and Naruto have just saved the world.  
He wishes he could say he did it alone, without help, but he'd be lying. He's grown up enough to admit that. (Even if only to himself.)  
Sasuke is seventeen years old; he never would've succeeded without Itachi's sacrifice.

Sasuke is twenty years old, and he runs.  
Even if he tells himself it's for the good of the world, even if Naruto officially puts him on long term assignment, he knows he's running away from the same things he's been running from his whole life. And while his friends claim otherwise, he knows he hasn't changed.  
Sasuke is twenty years old, and he's still a coward.

Sasuke is thirty two years old. He doesn't know anything, anymore.  
The world is changing faster than he can understand, faster than he can keep up. Konoha maintains world leadership, friendship and camaraderie and loyalty the corner stone of the foundations Naruto has laid.  
Itachi has been dead for many years.  
Sasuke is thirty two years old, and wishes he had a sliver of Itachi's strength and conviction.

Sasuke is thirty seven years old, and he's tired.  
He doesn't believe the peace that Naruto still strives for is even possible, and he doesn't believe a world without war will ever exist either. Not while humans still long for power above all else.  
He knows Itachi was used as a pawn in that sick game of power.  
He knows he's a pawn, too.  
He also knows they both allowed themselves to be pawns to men far more capable in achieving their dreams.  
Sasuke is thirty seven years old, and he doesn't know why he's still even fighting.

Sasuke is fourty five years old. He's missed most of Sarada's life. He's run, hid, fought, killed, murdered, and ultimately, failed at everything important. (Failed at everything Naruto's excelled at. Failed at everything Itachi would have wanted for him. Failed at everything he wanted for himself.) Konoha thrives, and the men and women who used to be his friends and family have drawn away, building their own lives while he still grasps at the one he never had. Even his wife and child are lost to him. Sakura is happier running the mental health hospital than she'd ever been with him, and Sarada, the child he'd never known, is readying herself to take up the mantle of Hokage.  
Sasuke is fourty five years old, and he just wants his big brother back.

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Fin


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